I'm not a very helpful person. I can admit that I am generally pretty self-absorbed and, in the same respect, pretty self-sufficient. I hate to ask for favors because I simply do not like the position it puts me in; waiting, dependent and assumedly indebted to the person providing the favor. I hate being asked for favors because I don't know how to say no. It's not what you think. I do not struggle, at all, with turning someone down--I believe that "saying 'no' to someone else, is saying 'yes' to myself" (I cannot remember where I picked up that bejeweled little trinket but I keep it with me always). What I struggle with is my tone. Rather than simply saying "I don't think I'll be able to do that" or "Sorry, I can't help you", I generally opt for "Hell, no", "Are you serious? No" or some hybrid of the two…typically involving laughter.
Ok, so I am exaggerating a little, but only a little. It is true that I hate to ask for favors but I am not completely adverse to lending a helping hand. I-can't-find-my-cell-phone-can-you-call-it-for-me or I'm-going-out-of-town-for-two-weeks-can-you-come-by-and-feed-my-cat favors are practically the cornerstones of the Good Samaritan Handbook; those barely even count as "favors". What I am reluctant to do is extend myself in ways that require me to take on additional obligations in my daily life and/or assume accountability for the yielded situation. However, no matter how hard I try to resist, I do fall victim to bouts of generosity and the occasional "good mood". Sometimes I just feel like being nice and helping, but I've learned that in the professional world being nice is not always helping.
Case in point: giving recommendations.
I don't know why I did it; she didn't even ask me, I was just feeling generous. I knew she was looking for an internship and I was leaving for a while to study for the bar exam. My employer asked me to let him know if I knew of anyone who was interested in filling in. So, I told her--Abby Applebottom--about the opportunity (yes, I know that's a cheesy pseudonym).
I let Abby know that it was not a typical internship and that she would not get the same experience as other interns but, if she was attentive to the things going on around her, that she could learn a lot--as I have. I briefly explained some of the things I did for my employer and Abby was enthusiastic about the opportunity. Abby interviewed, she was chosen for the position and we (Abby, Employer and I) collectively worked toward the transition from me being to intern to Abby being the intern.
After being there for a few weeks, I ran into Abby and she let me know that she had a few concerns about the position and that sometimes she felt that she wasn't doing that well, she was concerned that Employer didn't like her and she said that she was disappointed because she thought the internship was gong to be different. I encouraged her to take her time and work at it, she was new to the position and she still needed to adjust and find her rhythm; Abby agreed and said she felt a little better. Not shortly after that I received an e-mail from Abby letting me know that she decided to leave the internship.
I was horrified. The office can be very busy; if there is no intern in the office then that can only lead to mayhem. Employer travels a lot so, often times, it isn't even feasible for him to be in the office. Without an intern things simply don't work well at all. "What is Employer going to do? How is Employer going to find a new intern on such short notice? Employer is probably upset with me for recommending Abby!" Those were only some of the thoughts that ran (in place) through my mind. I also thought back on the conversation I had with Abby not long before I'd received the e-mail. What did she mean she thought the internship was going to be different? I told her exactly what it was going to be like. I wonder if she told Employer she was leaving because I didn't explain the position to her. Not only was I concerned about the inconvenient position in which Employer had been placed, I was nervous that Abby leaving was going to have a negative affect on my professional relationship with Employer, which I highly valued.
Fortunately, the dust settled rather quickly; things at the office were back in order in no time and my professional relationship with Employer is still intact. So, what's the moral of this story? For me, it is to never give another recommendation again. Or, to be a little less dramatic about the matter, I think it would be helpful to give more reliable recommendations in the future.
Now, it isn't that I didn't know Abby or that I had reason to believe that she would leave so suddenly but I still feel that I could have prevented the difficulty that resulted from the employer/intern mismatch had I only taken the time to learn more about her expectations, her availability and even the type of work environment she prefers. Employer isn't you're everyday Chatty Cathy so perhaps that's why Abby felt like he didn't like her. Maybe that small detail could have changed the way things worked out or maybe it's dicta; either way, it couldn’t have made things any worse.
In the future, I think I may conduct pseudo interviews with anyone I consider recommending for anything else. I know it may seem like a bit much for some but in situations where your professional relationship with the employer is important to you, doing so has the potential to help more than it can hurt. In addition to considering the obvious (how well you know the person and/or what you know about the person's work ethic), it is important to consider everyone's expectations. Of course, the employer is looking for someone to fill the position who will do the job well but is the recommended person just looking for a job or are they looking for something more (whether it be particular experience or an opportunity for professional growth)? Consider what is at stake; for yourself and the employer. Giving a "bad" recommendation may be detrimental for the person giving the recommendation and, further, if things don't work out it could leave the employer in a tough spot (cost in time or money, diminished quality of work product and/or lack of organization). There are a lot of things to take into consideration but I'm not saying that I would conduct full, professional, extensive, have-references-available type of interviews. I just mean that I would certainly get to know more about a potential "recommendee" than I did in this case, and I would give a recommendee as much useful information as I could.
I never recommended anyone for anything before and it will probably be a while before I do it again; I definitely learned a valuable lesson from this experience.
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